My Autoimmune Life

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So – my right arm is now in a brace. And I’m typing this two handed actually, but it’s like 1 1/2 handed really – because I can’t use my right thumb, and I’m having pain using my right pinky… so it’s better if I hen peck with my right pointer finger and type regularly with my left hand. Please excuse any typos, etc…. as I am not typing my normal way. In 2004 I was diagnosed with De Quervains Tenosynovitis which – to my understanding is basically specific tendonitis. I have it in my right hand…. though it rarely affects me…. and I could get it diagnosed in my left as well, though I barely fit the diagnosis there, and I’ve never had it truly flare up… so, I am not too worried about it. I had actually forgotten all about that diagnosis, and when my wrist has bugged me in the past year or so I blamed it on the lupus, since I knew it was coming, and then was diagnosed with it. Looking back – I think I have *almost* fit diagnostic criteria for the past 6 or 7 years for lupus, it’s just never been to the extreme it reached when I was diagnosed. A couple days ago (well I guess over a week ago now, last… Tuesday or Wednesday) my wrist started swelling just past the joint, and I developed a lump. I was having some pain, so I iced it, took some alleve, and wrapped it for a bit. As it wasn’t getting better I started remember the last time I felt this pain, and this badly – it was in 2004. I quickly put the pieces together and looked up the De Quervain’s and realized it was that flaring again… so I started trying to not use that hand at all (really tough when you are right handed and its your right hand that hurts).. and icing it, taking NSAIDs and trying to do home care. Tuesday when I picked my sister in law up from work I was hurting so bad I couldn’t even use that hand to drive. Yesterday morning I went and bought the wrist brace that is now living on my arm lol! My good brace, which was provided by the doctor who diagnosed me, is in a box in storage, and my storage is currently VERY unavailable to me – like 1k miles or so away. So I purchased this one that is… acceptable. It’ll work for now, though the other offers much better support, and since it’s made for right hands specifically (this one is ambidextrous) it doesn’t hurt my hand, like the one I have now does. But this one will work, and hopefully I’ll be back to normal soon!
If you don’t hear from me for awhile – that’s why!

Yes – totally emo here.

Between my period, and a lot of things that have happened over the last few days, which have canceled some things I was extremely excited about, and changed other things – I feel like I’m falling apart. I was holding together, in fact I’d say I was holding together incredibly well – then my period hit.

E and I have the same conversation every month around my period – shows just how much my hormones affect my depression (which isn’t nearly as bad around my period). I tell him I feel like everything is falling apart and I’m scared I’m following in my family’s footsteps with bi-polar, but I know it’s not extreme enough for that to actually be what’s going on. I feel like I go from (almost) manic in the week leading up to my period, to suddenly feeling my world is falling apart and wanting nothing more than to hide under the covers for my whole period. His response is always the same (and always correct – if I listen to him I get myself back to normal) “You need to chill”…. I could have this conversation in my sleep, but I always need to hear or see him tell me this before I realize the truth in it.

And once I listen – I feel calmer – maybe not less emo, maybe not a whole lot better, but I feel strong enough to face this day, and the next and the next and so on.

Some days I really hate being an adult – I wish I could just hide under the covers and let the world crash around me like I did when I was a teenager – at the same time though… I wouldn’t go back to those hard days even if I could. And honestly, each month I get a bit stronger, even if that strength seems to disappear when I first start my period, it gets easier each month to just chill – and to remember that all will be right, even if it doesn’t feel that way right in that moment.

• 00:02 RT @augnbudsmom: www.lupus.org PRT Please learn about this Misunderstood Autoimune disease! #

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I’m not going into the hows and whys and all that here, you want to know email me and we’ll talk…..
My sister in law (nb) moved in with us today. It may just be a couple days while the situation calms down that ended up putting her in with us, or it may be a permanent thing. I’m hoping for the second option – well… longterm, not permanent, she’ll be getting a place of her own in a couple years I’m sure. But for now, she’ll be living with us I hope. She’s a great girl, and she has a lot of potential. She’s working at a local nursing home in the dietary stuff, and she will be going to school to become a CNA starting with the fall semester! I really hope this all works out.
We’ve lived together before, so we know it’ll work out just fine to live together. I’m saddened by the circumstances that led to this, though they aren’t unexpected, and happy to have her here!

A local mountain

Sonja awarded me with the Lovely Blog Award.

Sonja thanks so much for the award! As I said in my comment, I can’t express my gratitude!
If I could pass it back to you I would. You are so open with your blog, and I appreciate you so much. I also enjoy your posts about Alex, and enjoy the comments you leave for me. I’m glad you are in my life.

Now I pass it on to:

1) Foxy of Foxy in the Waiting Room Foxy posts about her struggles with her health, and passes information about her health issues on, as well as sharing things from her day to day life with anyone who reads. Her husband, Helios, also comments on her blog, and it’s fun seeing them talk back and forth on her blog.

2) Jeanne of Jeanne’s endo blog as Jeanne tirelessly gets information about multiple autoimmune issues out to the public, as well as having started a petition to create endo awareness and understanding. Also for her wonderful Mothers Day post.

You both have lovely blogs!

-Add logo to your blog
-Link the person/blog from whom you received this award from
-Leave them a message on their blog, letting them know they have One Lovely Blog!

Everyone, I suggest you go read this post it is incredibly funny, and an example of the fun side of Eve’s blog. She tries to always make people laugh with her posts, infertility related or not, and she’s outdone herself here!
Also – I suggest adding her to your reading list and reading everything she says, she has a way with words.
Thanks for the laughs Eve!

There is a lot going on in my life right now, and coming up.
E’s hip is slowly bugging him more and more. We’ve both had missteps involving the steps on our front porch in the last 4 days.
My birthday is coming up and E has it off, so he has a three day weekend that weekend. I don’t know what we will do, but I know it will be awesome, just like the last two birthdays (which have been celebrated with him, even before we were together) have been!
My step kids (who, other than while they are here for their visit will rarely make appearances in this blog for a multitude of reasons) will be here to see us in July… I will get to be “mom” for most of that time due to my inlaws and husband all working. I will also be the one going to their home state to pick them up by train, and I get to see some of my family during the trip! My sisters in law both work day shift at a nursing home doing different jobs, one part time, one full time. My mother in law works … I believe she changed shifts to the 2p to 10p shift … at the same nursing home, full time. My father in law and E both work graveyard shift at Walmart. Whenever my inlaws have days off the kids will be with them, whenever they are working I will be mom, and be the one taking care of them. Part of the plan is to take them swimming, and to our local parks. Probably to the library (should probably pay my fines so they can check some books out on my card) …. I’ve also asked for them to bring games and books and indoor activities, as I know that there are going to be days where I’m going to be on the couch with them all day instead.
In early 2010 there are super secret plans happening, and they will be incredible for the people involved! I wish I could say more, but there is some surprise involved for someone in there… who may or may not read my blog, so I won’t be mentioning it here until after the surprising is done. It will be awesome fun, and we can’t wait!
I’ve had some bad pain days the last couple days, I was up all day Friday (after waking up at my normal time – so I was awake 6 hours longer than normal) doing the planning and working out everything that can be worked out at this point for the kids coming to stay with all of us. Saturday I still got up my normal time, and though E and I originally went to bed at a more normal time, my stomach was very upset, and he got hungry before managing to fall asleep, so we ended up out of bed again. I think I still was in bed for something like 13 hours before he woke me up when he got home for lunch – but I had several weird dreams and a nightmare…. so it wasn’t restful sleep.
When he clocks out in the morning it’s the start of E’s weekend… hopefully that means lots of relaxation and sleep for both of us!